“No, Mom! It was rape and I was raped!” Natalie shouted to defend herself.
“Shut up Natalie! Or you’ll be grounded for a month!” Her mother shouted back at her face. “You are a shame to this family. You stained the honorable name of your father. You degraded your name, your father’s name and even your ancestor’s name.” Her mother continued in a red furious face.
“But Mom, I am telling the truth. That ‘honorable’ man you are dignifying raped me inside his police car!” Natalie continued to defend herself even if her own mother is in doubt of her. “Oh great, you rather believe other people than your own daughter. Go Mom, shout it in the streets that an honored person in uniform paid your beloved daughter for a night and lured your daughter’s dress, dignity and complains it’s a rape!” Natalie said to her mother with teary eyes.
This confrontation happened a month ago. The court hearing for the rape complaint filed by Natalie against the policeman happened that time too. A case where the policeman won and the victim lose. Natalie in her twenties felt betrayed after losing the case. She felt deprived with the so called ‘laws of the land’.
She could still remember the accident that happened that night. Natalie is waiting for her boyfriend to fetch her in front of a disco club when the policeman came. They chatted for an hour. But when her boyfriend texted her that he cannot come reasoning that he is not yet done with his designs, she panicked. “How will I go home in this unholy hour?” She mattered to herself. Then the policeman offered her a ride. Since she found the policeman kind and gentle she agreed. And the rape incident happened. If she just knew that the policeman is a crocodile, she must have declined.
In the court, the policeman has pleaded not guilty. He was saying that Natalie is a slut. “She has a condom in her handbag, what do you call a woman keeping a condom in her handbag? She should have shouted if I forced her. Not just when the so called ‘rape’ happened but also the time she rode the car”, the policeman said in the court as Natalie remembers. That time, she was turned up-side-down. She did not know how things turned against her when she was supposed to be the victim. And there she was, a talk of the town when the rapist was set free, still on the position waiting to attack again.
Natalie cannot really imagine how unfair the world is. How Philippines cannot protect its people because of its double standard society. She is asking for a change to start, a change in ideologies and idealism. And for that time, her brains wandered in the memories of the confrontation she had with her mother.
”What kind of woman are you Natalie?” Her mother asked her. “Tell me what kind of woman are you? You carry a condom in your handbag? My God! I did not raise you to be like that! Was the policeman’s accusations true?” Mrs. Cruz, her mother continued.
“Mom?! Are you like them? You are also accusing me. Are you saying that I am a slut? That you are raising a slut in this house?” Natalie said in pain. She had made her mother think for that. “Can you call a woman a slut just in case she has a condom in her handbag? Or is it just the way you describe a slut? A woman who carry a condom with her? And what do you call a man who has a condom in his pocket? ” She continued as her mother was in silent. She was crying back then. And in her broken voice spoke again, “What do you call Kuya then Mom? Are you going to call him a slut since he is always carrying a condom in his pocket? Are we of the same label Mom? Tell me Mom, do not give me that silence.”
“Natalie, it’s not that! You are a woman! My God, Natalie! Where is your decency?” Her mother responded.
“And so because I am a woman, I am forbidden to carry a condom? And because Kuya is a man, he is allowed? Mom, I am just being responsible! If I got pregnant are you going to support me and the baby? If Kuya do not a carry condom and he got his girlfriend pregnant, are you going to support them? Or worst, will you give me money for medication in case I got infected with STDs or HIV’s?” Natalie asked her mother, trying to measure her mother’s logic?
“Still Natalie, you should have not done it. Condom is a man thing. It’s the man who uses it!”Mrs. Cruz said almost hysterical. “I thought you’re still a virgin. You do not have the rights to say that you are raped victim?!” Her mother said sarcastically.
“There you go Mom! There you go with your stereotyped thinking! There you go with your traditional patriarchal method!” Natalie said bitterly. “You’re supposed to comfort me, but here you are saying that only virgins got raped and can be raped! Are you saying that in this patriarchal society, bad girls who go to the parties, got drunk when they want cannot be raped? And a woman who carries a condom is a slut and cannot be raped?” She continued.
She left her mother. She knew that her mother will always keep her mouth shut. Even if she can see the pain in her mother’s face, she will always keep her silence. That is Mrs. Cruz! She’ll rather choose to endure the pain, than to confront her husband. She’s traditional. Pathetically traditional.
Natalie knows she cannot make her mother change her mind. But she knows she can make a change to the mind of younger ones. Carrying a condom is not bad and it won’t make you a bad girl. It is just being responsible, being matured, being intelligent to promote reproductive health in a country where it is a taboo
